It is eight long years since my German Shepherd Kaizer passed away but I still believe that he is with me and will always stay inside of me. When he passed away he took a part of me with him. That night I wrote an Epitaph in his name and I re-read it every year …every dog lover will understand what it means to lose someone who was a part of your life for 13 years….

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some people move our souls to dance.

They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.

Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.

They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts.”

 

Kaizer – An Epitaph!

 

Kaizer, that is what we called him, when we first saw the 3 week old pup! Not Caesar! For my brother the latter was too ‘desi’ a name and he also naively believed the name would instill some of that martial spirit in the pup! Ironically Kaizer, or Kaju (as my Mom named him for his penchant for cashew nuts), turned out to be the sweetest, gentlest and friendliest German Shepherd ever. Though I had exposure to dogs growing up Kaizer was the first one I could call my very own. From 3 weeks till 13 years he was the center of my life. Though a German Shepherd, a touch of Labrador blood had given his face the softest of features. His coat was the loveliest of combinations – biscuit brown with stripes of grey and black and a tiger-like white underbelly. What made you fall in love with him however were his eyes – soft and brown like a doe and when he looked at you with those ‘soleful, doleful’ look your heart would just melt!!! Even the most ardent of dog-lovers could not resist saying ‘Kaizer grows on you’!

 

I had never brought up a dog before in my life and bringing up Kaizer was both a labor of love and humor! Like the time when in order to ‘acclimatize’ him to the ‘big, bad world’ instead of walking him on a leash my brother and I carried a 2 month old German Shepherd pup in our arms around the central gardens, trying to explain to him – in English- what the various things were! Or the fact that though he loved playing with balls, for him not only did it mean not bringing the ball back to the ‘master’ but also making the ‘poor master’ chase him around the park with 2 balls (sometimes even 3) in his mouth. All of us love to eat and dogs are no exception but Kaizer had to be different. An image which will always remain with me is that of a full grown Kaizer sitting in front of his bowl of milk with his eyes shut, pretending to be asleep and hoping that in the meantime the milk bowl would just disappear!

 

It is said that dogs are very sensitive, they understand what you say not by your words but by the tone in your voice. If you were upset or sad Kaizer would come and place his head on your lap or near your feet. If you fell ill Kaizer would stay by your bedside till you recovered. Kaizer taught me patience and kindness, he taught me how to control my temper and how not to let it ever get the better of me. He taught me to appreciate the wonder of God in each of his creatures, to understand their differences and to learn to respect and admire each one of them. It was only after Kaizer entered my life that I realized what having a best friend meant – it meant there was someone who was always there for you no matter what the circumstances, it meant having someone who believed in you when no one else did, someone who could make you laugh even when the world made you cry. Anytime you felt sad or upset or angry you could bury your head in his neck, cry all you want, believe that he understood everything you said and agreed with your views and get him to lick your wet face and make you feel better.

 

It is said that a dog is man’s best friend but does anyone except a dog-lover know what that actually means. It means having someone who says ‘bye’ to you when you leave for work, who waits for you when you return home, who wags his tail every time he sees you even if you have been away only for 5 minutes! Even though your dog never keeps a watch yet the minute you get ready to leave for college or office he will be there sitting by the door giving you that look which says ‘you are leaving me and going away.’ And every day he will wait patiently by the door half an hour or so before your return and greet you with a wag of his tail to say ‘even though you leave me every day I still forgive you, I missed you a lot and now can we go for a walk.’ It means going for a walk with your dog, where whilst you might mistakenly believe that you are taking him for a walk, actually the reverse is true. It means on the one hand his trying to protect you from ‘dangerous elements’ i.e other dogs on the road and on the other allowing himself to be restrained by your tugs and obeying all your orders, even though he knows he is stronger than you. It means that when you play-fight with him he uses the softest possible touch of his teeth on your skin, teeth which can an instant tear meat off a bone!

 

They say no one loves you as much as your own flesh and blood but the love that Kaizer gave me and the bond that we had was stronger than any other. Kaizer came into my life and taught me what unconditional love meant – it means loving someone from the bottom of your heart and never asking for anything in return. I will always love Kaizer as much tomorrow as I did today and he will always remain in my heart and a part of my life even though he is no longer there in this world. Kaizer was my best friend-cum-confidante for 13 years, he was a link to my childhood, he was my first true love and his passing has left a hole in my heart which will never get filled.

 

They say time heals all wounds but there are some which never get filled. Seven years have passed by and even today when I wake up every morning or go to bed every night I still think he is here beside me – I often wake up at night dreaming that I am talking to him or playing with him. On days I am upset or sad I often dream that he is sitting in front of me and I can either cry out my fears or worries or just laugh and smile at his playful antics.

 

I know he cannot read this epitaph but I firmly believe he is up there in the stars smiling down at me and forgiving me for not being there with him during his last few hours. It broke my heart and I know it broke his too when I left him to come to the States to pursue my studies. But I know he forgave me. My only regret is that I was not present in his last few moments – to hear one last bark, to watch one last wag of his tail and for one last glimpse of his face…..

 

They say it is often those people who stay for a short time in our lives who often end up affecting us the most and Kaizer was one of them……

 

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

By Elizabeth Barrett Browning

 

“I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.

For the ends of being and ideal grace

I love thee to the level of everyday’s

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise,

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, – I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears of all my life! – and if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.”